Dear PETA We Kill Our Crabs Before We Steam Them
Just a heads up to PETA, but some of us kill our crabs before we steam them. It isn’t that we are worried about them screaming while we cook them, like lobster tend to do, oh no we have our own selfish reasons, we like the ability to flavor the “ME”. You see, we like to clean the crabs out real good before we steam up that deliciousness you call “ME” and we call dinner. Beer is not optional while cleaning and picking, it goes hand in hand.
We start by peeling off the carapace with one tug, sometimes two as only half may get ripped off on one pull. Usually that does the job, but after we strip out the gills and remove a few key anatomical pieces. They usually stop moving at this point, it is just nerves. I mean if we ripped off your head, you’re gonna stop moving too Then they get the hose. When you spray the crabs out to clean out the “goo” they might move a little, but again it is just nerves, so it is all good.
After the crabs are all nice and clean, we season to taste with Old Bay, JO, garlic, or whatever is your favorite flavor. I like to pan sear them in white wine and garlic, or put them on the grill. Cleaning them allows you to cook them many ways, and even store or freeze them to cook later.
Now most of your traditional Eastern shore folks frown upon this practice, because they like to eat the “goo” which they call mustard. We have no problem with that, and encourage people to eat crabs anyway they please. It may make you very happy to know that if you steam a dead crab, eating it can get you very sick. You are welcome at our table anytime to eat freshly pre-killed steamed crabs. However bring your own beer, because we like Pabst Blue Ribbon, none of that crafty IPA crap.