Delaware State Parks To Add New Programs For The Ever Growing Bored Crowds
Due to The Increasing Diversity Of Our Tourists Each Year. Delaware State Parks Is Trying Some New Programs For The Extreme And Uber Bored
“We have noticed an increase in the demographics of our yearly visitors. In order to meet the needs of suggested activities by people who are too bored to just sit and enjoy the damn beach. Delaware State Parks has come up with a myriad of new programs to entertain even the most extreme (crazy) enthusiasts. Fun for the whole family”
Keelhauling by the Cape Water Taxi: Learn what discipline was like aboard sailing ships.
We partnered up with local business Cape Water Taxi and Tours to let visitors experience what discipline was like in the maritime days of old. Visitors will be treated to various samples of stale foods with sub par mead, all chased with ample amounts of strong rum. While dining with ship rats. After dining, the beatings begin promptly. The keel hauling is reserved for the passenger that fails to live up to the captain’s standards, of which there are little. Group discounts available, great for team building exercises.
Ray venom vs jellyfish stings, what hurts more?
Many have wondered, now we have a hands on experience for all that are curious. Visitors will be striped naked and then thrown into a pool of jellyfish. We have Man-O-war for you extreme adventurers. After the pool of jellyfish, visitors will be fire hosed down with vinegar. There is an option for all of our guests to pee on you, that costs extra. After the hosing, you will be stabbed numerous times in the feet by a ray barb of your choosing. Multiple species barbs are an option for the full effect. Great activity for couple’s therapy.
Body piercing with Horseshoe crab telsons.
If you haven’t had the pleasure of stepping on and nearly piercing your foot with a horseshoe crab telson this is your chance! We take the surprise out of the self telson foot piercing by just stabbing you in any area you choose. Extra piercings are available in the gift shop, and there is a kit you can take home. Kids under 12 are free and encouraged.
Can the thresher knock you out with it’s tail?
Many have asked, now we can let you feel the slap of a thresher’s tail. We took an old mud flap off of a semi truck. Cut it to the shape of a thresher’s tail and nailed it to a 4×4 post. Just drive past the post with your head out of the window, we recommend doing the speed limit of 25 mph to get the full effect. Available at every entrance of the coastal Delaware State Parks.
Fly like an Osprey. Take a leap from one of the inlet bridge towers.
Everyone wants to fly like and eagle right? But what if just for a few seconds, you could experience what it is like too dive bomb your food face first? Now you too can experience what it is like to fish like a raptor. Once at the top of the Indian River Inlet bridge towers, the area will be cleared of boats (most likely) before you plummet and experience first hand what it is like to catch a bunker in your mouth at near terminal velocity. Great adventure for people trying to overcome their fear of seafood.
Hand feeding bluefish in the Seaside Nature Center touch tank.
The Nature Center needs some excitement. Kids are tired of the typical touch tank Jersey skates. The new tanks will feature bluefish. Feeding bluefish by hand is an extreme sport. You have seen tarpon latch onto unsuspecting peoples entire arms. Wait till you try to keep your fingers feeding a bluefish. Feeding tarpon and sharks is amateur hour compared to holding a tiny sliver of squid for a bluefish to pound. We used forty inch gator bluefish to really get the full experience. Next year we are working on a stargazer and a lionfish touch tank. Great activity for kids, they have smaller fingers.
Man O War Selfies
In the day and age of selfies people have gone to extremes.Kevin Baldwin currently is the only human to take a man o war selfie. Google it. We are adding this activity to try and bounce him off the number one google spot. An extreme selfie game, not for the faint of heart. Be the only kid on your block to get a man o war selfie.
Disclaimer … this is satire, we will not be held respnsible for any Darwin Award candidates that try these activities.